To be love

Original Medium Post HERE

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Changing the world by being love like the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, or Rocco

My family gathered at St. Cecilia Parish (Fr. Unni’s Parish). Rocco is in the front.

An imagined meeting

When I imagine meeting the Dalai Lama or, if I could go back in time, Archbishop Desmond Tutu or Mother Theresa, I imagine being wrapped in radiant warmth and love.

I imagine feeling totally loved, accepted, at peace, seen.

I want to bring that feeling to others. I want to be love.

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There are examples much closer to home too.

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Closer to home

“I love you mom. . . . I love you dad . . . I love you Skye.”

Our son Rocco tells us he loves us all the time, at random times. He speaks earnestly, looks into our eyes (which he doesn’t always do when talking), and helps us start a whole family round of “I love you.”

He is nine years old — so we don’t know how much longer it will last. I am grateful that it has already lasted longer than I would have guessed.

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In our community

“Body of Christ. . .. Good to see you.”

Fr. John Unni, the Pastor of St. Cecilia Parish in Back Bay, warmly greets me as he gives me Holy Communion.

Uniquely among Boston’s Catholic churches, at St. Cecilia, all the pews and folding chairs are filled and people are standing in church nearly every week (not just Christmas and Easter).

Even with multiple Eucharistic ministers (people serving Communion), it takes at least two songs for the hundreds of church attendees to receive their Communion.

But Fr. Unni still takes that extra moment and adds the words “Good to see you,” or tells my daughter he likes her doll, with a big smile.

He and I have only talked for a few minutes a few times, but he still makes me (and so many in the congregation) feel special when we are there.

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Getting in my own way

I think I’d be panicked if I were Fr. Unni. I’d be too focused on someone at the back of the line being upset because they were waiting. Or someone hearing my extra words to some people — but not to them.

Too often — all the time, in fact, I get in the way of my being love.

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I’d love to be more richly expressive — but I get in my own head and in my own way. I can be far too restrained. People even think I’m a very serious person (which in my own head, and hopefully, in at least some of these blog posts, I am not).

I worry — even in mentioning a person in this blog — others will be offended they weren’t mentioned (if I am not mentioning you, I am thinking of you — really).

I am always asking my wife if I might have offended someone. I make myself think of the John Mulaney bit about his fear of offending everyone, including offending the Best Buy checkout person if he doesn’t say he wants their credit card.[1]

I think I risk filling everyone’s cup less because I’m afraid to miss a cup. And maybe in the process, I’m offending people anyway (I am sorry if I have offended you).

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But I want to give of myself more abundantly.

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I worry about time and following through on commitment. I notice myself in one conversation, but distracted by the fear that I will miss a meeting or timeline.

I want to be responsive to email, but also present for meetings and needed conversations at work, but also present for friends and family outside of work.

There’s not enough time in the day to spend as much time with as many people as I would like. But I’m trying to recognize I can make each of those moments I do have count more by being more present — and less restrained.

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Do you get in your way? How? Is it fear, too much restraint, lack of self-confidence? Being in your own head? Anger? Resentment? (If you don’t get in your own way, please let us all know how you avoid doing so.)

Like joy, love is the fabric of the universe. How can we get out of our own way more and let it be?

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A few ideas

I have so much more work to do. The five pillars of community joy can help. I can take care of myself with fitness and mindfulness so I can be more present. I can meditate on presence and love too.

This work is all about focus on relationships, and having fun while including being love as part of my purpose.

I also can change my story about myself — and my beliefs about who I am in the world — to align more with what I want it to be. I can notice when I am succeeding and build on that.

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At least being like

I do feel more love (including for many readers) than I probably manifest. So please know that love is there.

I don’t know that talking with me ever will feel like that vision of being completely surrounded by love, but I will keep working at it and trying to love better.

At the very least, I hope to make people generally feel like they are surrounded by a warm feeling of like.

Stay joyful, East Boston.

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Please share, subscribe, and join our movement by emailing me or supporting East Boston Social Centers. Look out each week for our posts about boosting joy the only way we can: in community.

[1] I’m not linking to the bit, ironically, in case some of the other parts of the video could be offensive. But you can find it with your favorite search engine.