You are the most important person in the world

Original Medium Post HERE

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And so am I

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Social work as we know it exists because of the vision of Jane Addams.[1]

But I found my family and stayed close with my birth family because of my social workers — Monique and Kitty.

The American foster care system began because of the work of Charles Loring Brace.

But I found my forever home because Bob and RoseAnn Pasquariello decided to become foster parents — and said yes to me.

My children have a free public education because of the vision of Horace Mann.

But I have those children because my wife Vanessa and I agreed to become parents together.

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A president can change policies. An inventor can introduce new technologies. Many of us are alive because of technological miracles in agriculture. But now that we’re here, the people who matter most every day are those we interact with directly.

Just like my parents, my social worker, and my wife have been for me, each of us is the most important person in the world to someone. This week: we all are the most important person in the world; we all are essential; and despite this, it is OK to be flawed as we do our important work.

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Loved ones

I’m not claiming here that all of us have someone who would point to us as their #1. It’s clear in my family who my children’s #1 is — and it isn’t me. Who can blame them? Vanessa is so affectionate, passionate, loving, attentive — she gives me a lot to aspire to. She also might be the one who is more likely to say yes to requests for sweets.

I’m not sure if I’m even #2. They have some pretty awesome grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

But I can be uniquely important to them. I introduced my son to Harry Potter, which has fired up his love of listening, paying attention, and learning — and inspired drawing and much Lego creation.

I introduced them both to Hamilton — and from that, they have memorized many lyrics, learned revolutionary history, and improved their musical skills. Hamilton and Harry Potter have brought them a lot of fun too.

Sure — someone else could have done those things. Many parents have for their children. But I am the one who did it for them.

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The other people we meet (or don’t)

We don’t spend all our time with those closest to us. In every moment and every interaction, we might be the most important person in the world to the person we are interacting with — even if we haven’t previously met.

On Saturday, December 23, Gloria from East Boston Social Centers bought a bed so every child in a refugee family would have a place to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Neighbors in East Boston reached out and asked to provide gifts to give one of our families a wonderful Christmas.

We don’t just make lives better — we also can protect them. Driving slowly in places where a pedestrian might dart out unexpectedly can preserve their life.

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We can transform lives in ways we’d never imagine — and we transform lives in ways we’ll never know.

We also can spark movements that lead to much bigger change by sharing our infectious enthusiasm. My brother-in-law installed solar panels and heat pumps in his home — and inspired me to move more quickly on my own climate goals.

We might not be the most important people in the world to the whole world (who is?), but for some people, or in some moments, we are the most important people in the world to someone. And we can never underestimate the importance of that.

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We are all needed

No one can be the most important person alone. If we are witnessing anything now, it is that innovation and leadership are necessary, but not sufficient, for building a thriving future. Democracy doesn’t work, and people suffer, without a thriving, inclusive society, and thriving, inclusive communities. People who have been excluded can harm other people, and can harm humanity as a whole. We need technological innovation to survive — but we need each other too.

Building a thriving community, and a thriving society, requires all of us. Even if you don’t believe you are important or you matter now, you are and you do. You can make environmentally friendly choices — and inspire others to do the same. There are people who are lonely and isolated and (even if you are one of them), you can reach out and help them be less lonely and isolated. There are people who are marginalized and you can help them be less so. Loneliness, isolation and marginalization have been increasing, but we can reverse those trends.

But only if we all are part of that movement.

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It’s OK to be flawed

With all that said, no pressure. It’s OK to be deeply flawed. I feel so much love, but don’t express it as I should. I could be more of a change agent. I can strive to be better and I am striving even as I fail. The primary audience for this post is myself.

And I can have self-compassion. We all should. Recognition of our shared imperfection can strengthen our relationship. All of the most important people in the world are flawed.

So yes — you will be flawed too.

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But you are also the most important person in the world. So take those flaws, have compassion for yourself, and get to work.

This is the 43rd post about boosting joy the only way we can: in community. Please share, subscribe, and join our movement by emailing me or supporting East Boston Social Centers. Stay joyful, East Boston.

Look in the mirror — or the window — or take a selfie, and see the most important person in the world. Here my son looks in the window on a special Christmas train several years ago.

[1] I am simplifying. Many generations of people worked together to build our systems — for better and for worse. And others supported those I mentioned here so they could support me.